I did finish that query letter last night, but for some reason it didn’t publish. So, here it is:
I am seeking representation for my jazz age mystery novel, The Big Life (75,000 words). It is a spin on the classic hard-boiled detective story—from the secretary’s point of view.
In 1928, Kitty Carmichael arrives in Chicago determined to reinvent herself—and to mooch off her rich uncle as long as possible. Instead she discovers that her uncle has been murdered, and his half-Japanese daughter, Koko, has been left in her care. It’s a responsibility she doesn’t want.
When Kitty learns that the fortune Koko should inherit has disappeared, she teams up with clever but cynical detective Tom Gallo to find it. But they’re not the only ones looking. When Koko is kidnapped by someone who believes she is the key to finding the fortune, Kitty’s priorities change. She saves Koko, and in doing so learns that you can’t live the Big Life without a big heart.
The Big Life is a historical mystery with a strong romantic subplot. Although it could function as a standalone novel, it could also anchor a series.
Previously I was a story writer for the popular online game City of Heroes, known for its intricate plot lines. I studied writing at Florida State University.
Thank you for your consideration,
Jane Kalmes
What do you think? Less punchy? More intriguing? If anyone has an opinion on this query letter, I am looking for one.
i like the letter