I did finish that query letter last night, but for some reason it didn’t publish.Â So, here it is:
I am seeking representation for my jazz age mystery novel, The Big Life (75,000 words).Â It is a spin on the classic hard-boiled detective storyâ€”from the secretaryâ€™s point of view.
In 1928, Kitty Carmichael arrives in Chicago determined to reinvent herselfâ€”and to mooch off her rich uncle as long as possible.Â Instead she discovers that her uncle has been murdered, and his half-Japanese daughter, Koko, has been left in her care.Â Itâ€™s a responsibility she doesnâ€™t want.
When Kitty learns that the fortune Koko should inherit has disappeared, she teams up with clever but cynical detective Tom Gallo to find it.Â But theyâ€™re not the only ones looking.Â When Koko is kidnapped by someone who believes she is the key to finding the fortune, Kittyâ€™s priorities change.Â She saves Koko, and in doing so learns that you canâ€™t live the Big Life without a big heart.
The Big Life is a historical mystery with a strong romantic subplot.Â Although it could function as a standalone novel, it could also anchor a series.
Previously I was a story writer for the popular online game City of Heroes, known for its intricate plot lines.Â I studied writing at Florida State University.
Thank you for your consideration,
What do you think?Â Less punchy?Â More intriguing?Â If anyone has an opinion on this query letter, I am looking for one.