If you need a laugh, check out the truly awful sentences showcased in The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.
My personal favorite?
Cynthia had washed her hands of Philip McIntyre – not like you wash your hands in a public restroom when everyone is watching you to see if you washed your hands but like washing your hands after you have been working in the garden and there is dirt under your fingernails — dirt like Philip McIntyre.
And a highlight from 2009:
As Lieutenant Baker shrank his lips back to their normal size, he tried desperately to think of a situation in which his new-found power might be useful, as have I, your narrator.
LOL! I love that contest and those sentences. Your fave is awesome. Matt and I still quote a winner from years ago: “The scream split the night in half, one half being the part before the scream and the other part being this part, after the scream happened.”